None of us can ever imagine a day when we would like to visit someone we love in an extended stay hospital, nursing home or other care facility. It is especially tough when this person has enjoyed years of freedom and independence. Unfortunately things change.
Strokes, falls, heart disease, immune system disorders and more send those we love to places where special care is needed. Families and other concerned parties have the right to expect that care be delivered in a responsible, deliberate and compassionate manner. At the same time it is important to realize that a commercial care facility is not our private home which means we have to get our minds in gear to accept the differences and these include:
- Communications
At dad’s house perhaps everyone chimed in on everything. In most professionally managed care facilities things will not work this way. Most will require that one, (1) person represent the family in communications or nothing but confusion will result. At the same time many will require that with the exception of highly sensitive medical data, that you agree to receive certain updates via confidential email as a means of efficient communication.
This does not mean that multiple family members may not be allowed to attend care conferences but daily communications from more than one, (1) relative will likely not be allowed.
- Special Comforts
All of us have special comforts we enjoy at home. These might relate to our entertainment schedule, our wake and sleep hours, our eating habits and more. While most facilities will try and mirror your previous life on some levels it is unlikely they can or will try and duplicate it identically. In your new environment there are several factors to consider including how your comforts impact and/or disturb others, budgets, safety concerns that may come from accommodating your previous habits, how your routine fits in with professional care delivery protocol and more.
Maybe you would prefer to use your one good arm and handle your own shower. However, in a facility, with the goal of preventing injury from a fall, this will likely not be allowed. Maybe you once laced every dish you ate with salt. In a well-managed facility this too is not going to be allowed.
There will be other adjustments too. From transferring to rendering personal care to diets, it may take a week or two to really reach the needed rhythms to get things comfortable for all parties. It is when a family has unrealistic expectations, often rooted in nothing but love for someone special, that the process gets complicated, relationships are damaged and the care environment becomes tense. The expectation of perfection is both immature and unrealistic!
So work together with care providers. Be careful becoming quickly offended or threatened by what you do not understand. Seek to form partnerships with care delivery organizations. In the process you can help make the life of someone special even more special as you assist them to adjust to new circumstances. Just be sure your expectations are lodged in realism or everyone will spend their days in disappointment that could have been avoided.
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